Monday, November 3, 2008

Animal lover

Usually, the word "revisionism" refers to attention-seeking right-wing politicians or historians who claim that the nazi concentration camps consisted in leisure resorts for homeless people. I think it's about time to give this concept a second birth by using it in another area, and that's zoology.

Many scientists make a habit of breaking the neck of common-shared ideas about the animal world. One of their hobby-horses is to point at people who, in their opinion, clearly overreact to the unsupported threat caused by lovely animals such as sharks, snakes, tigers, bats, spiders, scorpions crocodiles and britons.

Based on the trustworthy opinion of these scientists, here is a short list of harmless animals you can definitely swim with or keep as a pet:

White sharks: they may look nasty, but they're only attracted to areas with fish activity. Besides, they're not agressive and just "inquisitive" (says Theo Ferreira, founder and director of the Great White Shark project). To be all right, just make sure you lack conversation and avoid areas where fishes live (which I think is called the sea, by the way)

Lions: "A lion can be dangerous because it induces fear in human beings. In the absence of human beings, lions are not dangerous" (Gordon Graham). So the matter is settled, then. Make sure you're invisible or dress up as something else (a gazelle or a zebra, for instance) and they will leave you in peace.

Snakes: Always keep in mind that they are shy creatures and will not attack unless bothered. "Snakes don't really want to do humans any harm. In most snakebite accidents, it was the human that provoked the snake into biting." ( It's true that in most cases, the guy who was bitten forgot to introduce himself properly or didn't ring the doorbell.

Bats: "It's true that they can transmit rabies. But simple rules of caution such as avoiding bats with a strange behaviour will minimize the risk." (Dr Laetitia Barlerin, veterinarian) Fair enough, but can someone tell me what is a bat's normal behaviour?

Britons: "People should remember that half of all violent crime is fuelled by alcohol." says Shadow UK Home Secretary David Davis. But then he adds: "More than 8 million Britons are problem drinkers" So is it safe to keep a briton as a pet? Of yourse it is. I've got one in my closet. The only thing to remember is you must not keep a beer and a briton in the same cage.

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Anonymous said...

what about guinea-pigs?

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