Monday, November 10, 2008

The touristic tour series: Lagos, Nigeria

Here it is: the first complete 4-day tour package for happy western holiday-makers. First destination: Lagos.

Day one
: Arrival at Murtala Mohammed International Airport at 4PM, two days after schedule due to hijack attempt during the flight. Living passengers lead to the Sheraton Hotel in a bullet-proof private bus. Wounded passengers carried in ambulance to the main Lagos hospital. Dead ones left in the plane for police body search. Evening free.

Day 2: Breakfast at the Sheraton, followed by a quick visit to the hospital. Best wishes of recovery to the passengers who accidentaly didn't die during the night due to nosocomial infections. Then, a nice walk through the town with a trilingual Nigerian guide. This walk may include free-for-all bag-snatching and authentic verbal abuse depending on the weather.
Around noon, commented overview of the pile of electronic waste dumped in a swamp near the Lagos market. Random shopping at the market, with an exceptional range of genuine farm products including: chicken infected with the H5N1 bird flu virus and raw meat offering 94% bacterial contamination rate.

Lunch in a sleazy restaurant without air conditionning. Main and only plate: Tsire Suya, which basically consists in roasted boneless meat of either mutton, beef, or goat previously infected by Pseudomonas aeruginosa, Bacillus cereus, Staphylococcus aureus or Escherichia coli.
Collective afternoon visit at the police station. Group complaint lodging about wallets and other belongings lost or stolen in the market.
Evening: introduction to knife-crime and man-slaughtering on Lagos trendy beaches. Night bathing with tiger sharks. Live concert of Afrobeat star Femi Kuti, free befriending with dope addicts and world culture activists.

Day 3 (only between
outbreaks of cholera and malaria): excursion to the beautiful Osun district. Departure at 8 in the morning. On arrival, visit of a traditional African village plagued with polio and ethnic war. Shaking hands with the CIA agent delivering weapons to the local militia (pictures are not authorized).
Afternoon: genuine indigenous dancing featuring Yoruba percussion performed by starving musicians dressed-up for the occasion. End of the afternoon: goodbye to the musicians who must go back to Lagos and get their check from the travel company second head office.
Evening: Return to Lagos with a few hand-made baskets and a hundred counterfeited Nike shoes.

Day 4: departure from the
Murtala Mohammed International Airport at 8 in the morning. Sad farewells between the tour members and promises to organize a social event somewhere in Long Island to exchange pictures and MPEG films. At home, turning on the TV and real surprise in front of a journalistic report saying that Nigeria wasn't the best of place to visit at the moment. Cocktail drinking on the coach and love-making with a business partner. Sleeping and dreaming of the next holidays.

For further information and experience sharing:

Stumble Upon Toolbar


nigelthomas said...

Great article. We need to keep pandemic preparedness at the forefront of every business manager's mind. It won't go away so better start preparing.

For free references, resources and to join their free pandemic preparedness eCourse certification program, go to Bird Flu Manual Online or, if you need more comprehensive tutorials, tools and templates, consider Bird Flu D-I-Y eManual for your pandemic preparedness.

Pierre Alexander said...

I'm not sure whether I need more comprehensive tutorials. Does anyone around know whether he needs more comprehensive tutorial?