Are the Chinese fluorescent?

I like racial and cultural clichés. I like them a lot. Clichés make the world an easier place to live in and a more funny one as well. Clichés find simple words for simple souls and that's why we use them. Clichés allow us to travel without leaving our beds and living-rooms and that's why we love them. Clichés claim to be partly true and that's why they're so hard to break.

Now here is a list of common and less-common clichés I thought about this morning while drinking my 11 AM coffee. For clarity's sake, I ranked them in descending order on a scale ranging from definitely true to grossly false.

1. Chinese people are fluorescent. Yes they are. Their body temperature is higher than everyone else and that makes them shine in the dark. That's why Shanghaï at night looks like a firefly city which would be so easy to bomb in the event of World War 3.

2. Black men have a HUGE cock. Possibly. At least, that's what a couple of girls I used to hang around with told me. But is it that their dick is truly bigger or is it a matter of quality of erection? Do black people get stimulated more easily than their white counterparts? Nothing really serious has ever been said or written on the subject, so it's still an open case.

3. Muslim women fake orgasm. Probably, but one can never be sure with women. Has it anything to do with Allah or the patriarchal society they live in? The famous Muslim World expert Nouredine Al Kajil, when asked on Al Jazeera, said he'll need to have a few words with his wife before answering. He did, and then he declared: نجاح المبادرة العربية مرهون بالاعتراف بإسرائيل. محللون هنود: الاعتقالات الباكستان

4. English people drink too much beer. Debatable. They do absorb in large amounts a liquid called beer, but do they really drink it? I would rather suggest they swallow it or soak it up, engulf it maybe, but I'm pretty sure they don't drink it, since drinking presupposes the existence of taste buds in the mouth, which they got deprived of due to evolution.

5. French people are filthy, like French streets and French dogs. Honestly that's a myth. I don't know about dogs, but when it comes to people I would bet that the Gypsies, Irakis and Rumanians I see day after day begging or playing music on the tube stink more than I do. And poverty can't always explain everything, can it?

6. The Germans are perfectionnist. That's rubbish. They can't finish what they start. Schubert left lieder and symphonies in the lurch, Sebastian Stelzer always gives up writing after two pages, Europe is free, the Jews are safe and die soziale Marktwirtschaft hasn't made it to the 21th century.


PS: if you are to leave a comment, please don't go for the pathetic trendy self-righteous statement like "Clichés are stupid and blind, we must learn about other cultures by leaving our prejudices behind and really dig deep into eachother's ground to see the beauty of diversity". Anything else than that will be fine, including verbal abuse and death threats.

A short introduction to: the far-left crusader

Television is a wonderful thing. It shows news, advertising, weather forecast, soap operas, sports, sex, music and films. But what makes television truly wonderful is that it shows to the population exotic things which people rarely have a chance to see.
These exotic things mostly consist in tropical islands, remote seashores, rain forests and magnificent birds. But there are things, or rather people, which are even more exotic than that and whose extraordinary vision of the world leaves the simple-minded TV viewer in a state of mental catharsis close to divine revelation whenever they hear their words.

These people are the far-left activists. Gutted by the prejudices in our western societies, fueled by the hate of injustice and discriminations, they fight like crusaders on every piece of land and give a hard time to every infidel who stands in their way, be it the corrupted cynics who lead the country, the brutal cops who give ill-treatment to their unlucky victims or the unthinking ignorant crowd that goes shopping on friday afternoon while people are starving at the other hand of the planet.

But they have more in store than that. They have the power to redefine the language and to unmask those who use it to feed their fascist propaganda. They read Orwell's 1984 and understood the power of Newspeak. The real war has to be a war of words and a war on words.

The other day, during a TV debate, one of them crusaders heard a guest say the word "race". This crusader reacted by asking: "Excuse-me, what do you mean by 'race'?"
The guest didn't expect that question. He thought everyone had opened a dictionnary once in his life and had come across this definition: "Race (noun): A local geographic or global human population distinguished as a more or less distinct group by genetically transmitted physical characteristics including skin color, hair type, body proportions, and skull measurements."
So, he just answered: "Well, the color of the skin. You are black an I am white."

The crusader was petrified. She asked for more: "So in your opinion, the fact that I am black and that you are white makes me belong to another race than yours?"
The guest replied: "Yes, of course." The crusader couldn't hold her breath. She couldn't believe what she heard. The only problem here is that she had been militating for miscegenation since she was 18, and it was the guest's turn to ask: "How can there be a miscegenation, which you advocate for, if there are no races?"

The crusader didn't even answer. Her ears were closed now, while her friends from "SOS Racism" were already preparing their press release to express their surprise and indignation at Mr Guest's rehabilitation of the ugly "theory of races".

Nevermind the fact that Mr Guest clearly said later that Hitler's sacralization of the races was twice as ridiculous (the infidel is only entitled to say stupid things), nevermind the fact that militating for miscegenation implies indeed miscegenation, and nevermind the fact that an association called 'SOS Racism' was meant to fight racism (which may be understood by some as discrimination between races), the crusader won on two points.

1: she succeeded in turning half of the population against potentially useful progressist ideas by discrediting those who are expected to defend them.

2: she made Alfred Jarry and his Ubu the King laugh in his grave, which had not happened since the Monty Python released The Life of Brian back in 1979.